Windows to the soul

Why are all window washers crazy?

I have been through two different window washers at my store in the last month. The windows do not need washing more than once a month and my original guy charged $15 each time. My pane launder quit to go be a professional game show contestant. The employees tried to wash the windows, but according to them, “I didn’t have the right equipment.” Buying the supplies was going to cost me over $50.00.

Streaks and spots make the store look dirty so I acquiesced when a man with a heavy Dutch accent came into the store. His pitch included the fact that the Dutch are the cleanest people on the earth, thus the best window swabbers. He seemed weird, but harmless, as are most my customers. We agreed on a $30 price, because of the desperation of my windowsills. He came back the next day, which just happen to be the hottest day in Pismo history. 105-degree winds blew thru my back window from the ocean. It was so hot, the computers just shut off. He sweated and grunted. He dripped on my copy machine. He also spent a lot of time on his cell phone arguing loudly in that clean Dutch language. He was over 60 and hitting on my 20-year-old employees. He broke my neon “Fax and Copy” sign.

My other washer took all of 15 minutes to do all my windows, in and out; this guy was on his second hour when I finally left to go have lunch somewhere air-conditioned. My employee called my phone while I was gone. She said he finished and demanded to be paid $90. I was not there, so he threw a fit, scared some customers, so she paid him out of the register, and told him to take off. He said he would be back every month. I was pissed.

Having just taken a bath from this guy, I called and told him NEVER to return. He didn’t understand. We argued and argued. I hung up on him. He still comes into my store and tries to get us to let him wash the windows. I have had to throw him out four times. He sends me emails, offers to do windows free. He calls, I hang up.

So while out fighting with City Hall the other day (yes, I won again! Long live the Red Head who will fight parking meters to the death) a new window washer comes in. He tells my new manager he can do all the windows for $30. In and out. She agrees, half way thru the first window, she realizes he is talking to himself. Not in a mumbling way, actually having an argument with himself. Then he says the owner across the street has murder in her eyes. What? She is a sweet girl. Then he talks about the aliens. When I walk in, he has his stuff strung out all over the store. There are streaks on windows he just finished, there are screens lying in the middle of the store.

I immediatly fire him, but he will not leave either. He keeps writing his name on a piece of paper and telling me to check. Check what? We finally deploy the BIG DOG, Mr. Bayus and he chases him out.
I told the employees to buy a kit and learn to wash the damn windows. I think the ammonia has rotted all the “professional” brains.

This Post Has 4 Comments

  1. LoisW

    Reminds me of that old joke… with the punch line, “I’m the Vindow Viper, do you have any Vindows for me to Vipe?”

    I am diggin’ the dolphin picture…. Is that you smoochin?

  2. Anonymous

    Yes that is me in Hawaii with Ono. That is where I bullshitted my way into a Dolphin Trainer program. One of greatest things I’ve done.

  3. D

    I use “on the spot”, he is not weird, he is clean, I have not seen him sweat, he shows up everytime, is polite, smiles, does not talk to himself and is reasonable. His name is Mark, his number is 489-1775

  4. Teri Bayus

    Deb- I have tried to hire him twice! I even approached him as he washed your windows. So far, he hasn’t showed up. I have had him do my house, I will try again.

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