Television:

HOA

30 minute- Streaming

Comps – Serial Mom, Barry, & Murder She Wrote

This serial stars a Hitman hiding from his life of crime inside a small gated private community and feels compelled to kill neighbors who break the HOA rules. His neighbor, a state park ranger (and his romantic interest), is an ex-FBI trying to figure out who the murderer is to get back into the FBI. During the first season, all the Board Members are suspect, we watch as the lead tries to fit in in normal society.

HOA is a mystery/comedy/drama based in a small California desert town housing development that is run and ruled by a Homeowner’s Association. There are frequent murders, and the person who is murdered has committed a crime against civility, society, and the HOA “CC&R’s.” The deaths are attached to their crimes. No one knows who the murderer is, but the local Park Ranger is dedicated to finding the culprit.

UNCLE JERRY

60 minute- Streaming

Comps- This Is Us, Durrell’s of Corfu, & Schitt’s Creek

Logline – A serial comedy/drama about a man who loved animals more than people, and the people who loved him. Uncle Jerry raises animals for a living, hiding from people because of his homosexuality, especially his family. Cutting back and forth through time, we see the comedic fallout after his death and the rehoming of 5,000 animals, then as he navigates the 1950’s an impossible world for a gay man with a small zoo.

Told in two different time periods, the 1950’s and the 1990’s, we learn what it was like to be a gay man in hiding and the aftermath of a life only half lived. Jerry built his life around caring for animals and hiding his true self. The period pieces of the ’50s will include the lack of empathy, and single-minded Americans struggle to consume, be the same, and keep everything status quo.

In the 1990s, we share the story of a man who has died alone and left 5000 animals that needed homes. The family of misfits comes together to morn and disassemble his hermit life. We will flash back-and-forth through timelines from the past to see Jerry and his struggles and the current time his family has to take his estate apart.

WRITER’S CONFERENCE

30 minute- Streaming

Comps- Community, Night Court & The Bold Type

Like sausage, you do not want to see how it is made if you’re going to enjoy it. It will start each year with the selection of a wacky staff and advisory committee. It will culminate each year with the actual conference. The plot will include fan worship, imposter syndrome, and battling a college to get the conference to matter. The main characters will be the conference director and volunteer coordinator. The antagonist will be a college bookkeeper and president. As guest stars, there will be famous writers as we figure out a way to navigate, motivate, and inspire writers. There will be actual meetings, classes, zoom meetings, coffee shops, wine tasting rooms, etc. The common theme here is the college wants the conferences to make money, whereas their advisory committee and the director want to give it away.

DELMAR STATION

30 minute- Streaming

Comps- Cheers, The Godfather & Almost Famous

The story of two unsuspecting “suits” who buy a rock ‘n’ roll bar in the 1990s. The bar never closes. The main characters will be the owner and bartender for romantic tension. The antagonists will be the bands that play every night (we will source B bands from the era) and the soulless attorneys who like to drink at the bar. R rated and have episodes including The Dead Girl On The Toilet. Exotic Erotic Ball, Last Night With The Tigers. Blowjobs On My Break, Ghostbusters, The Dead Guy In The Van.

CAPTAIN’S LOG

30 minute- Streaming

Comps – Captain Ron, Married With Children & Below The Deck

Runaway parents to teens buy a sailboat after a drunken night in a bar to run away on the weekends. They don’t know anything about sailing and everything that possibly go wrong does. Since they have been parental hostages, on the boat, there will be lots of sex and drugs. The love interest will be the couple as they will break up and get back together over the sailboat, raising kids and acting out. Each week the theme will be nautical disasters and a cast of characters including fishermen, pirates, other sailors, and harbor patrol. The three older men sitting on a bench looking at the sea every day will be the narrators. It will start with them sitting on the bench, telling the story’s ending, and then the sitcom will go back to the beginning of the plot.

CULINARY CIRCUS

30 minute- Streaming

Comps – Aly McBeal, 800 Words, & Chef

An episodic of magical realism paired with food and wine. Food porn dressed in a modern fable.

A food writer who is small in stature but large and opinions shares his favorite and least favorite eateries. He goes from restaurant to restaurant, eating and reporting. His wife, who accompanies him on each meal, always eats dessert first. His editor is in love with him. His nemesis is another food writer who scoops him on stories and openly declares on Social media, that he knows nothing. The story arc will include a bit of magical realism paired with food and wine.

Each starts with the reading of a bedtime story, and that mirrors the restaurant and chef. These dining and moral stories are food and fairytale based.

Titles include Little Red Riding Food (Charcuterie shop ran by a Grandma and Granddaughter), Hansel and Gretel (bakery owned by brother and sister), Three Little Pigs (BBQ joint owners by three brothers), Cinderella (vegetarian owned by Stepmother and Daughters).

TITTY RECRUITER

30 minute- Streaming – Comedy

Comps – P-Valley, Shameless, The Good Place

Logline: A comedic inside look into Gentlemen’s Clubs.

A “suit” advertising woman enters the world of Gentlemen’s Clubs to help promote the Grand Opening of a high-end topless club. A comedic and honest look at the people who work in this industry and what drives them.

A brother and sister open a Gentlemen’s Club in Las Vegas called Lilith’s. It features a high end restaurant with a French Chef who prides himself on the finest food. Each night offers a different drama between the staff and the strippers. We never see customers, just the back of the house drama.

Screenplays for Feature Films:

TRADITIONS

Comps – Cheaper By The Dozen, Four Christmases, & Almost Christmas

A musical Christmas movie that spans four years with a blended family. They have a birth, step, and adopted children. The family is searching for their own Christmas traditions and culture but fails each year miserably as they adopt outrageous traditions. The final year is met with success when the family pulls together with love and hope to save the ailing mother.

HOOKAH

Comps – Cheaper By The Dozen, American Pie & Goonies

A coming of age comedy focusing on the art of talking to each other and sharing stories that are lost in our current hyper-connected world. A group of teens tries to get their social media/television hooked parents to pay attention to them through the use of dramatic storytelling and practical jokes. A coming of age story focused around the family Hookah, a Middle Eastern water-cooled pipe where fruit pulp is smoked.

Optioned in 2001 by Revelations, it reverted to my ownership in 2011.

Fiction Novels:

CONSUMED

Consumed is an erotic culinary adventure.

When Nadailia opens up her new farm-to-table bistro and hires Chef Dylan, she had no idea that she would be seduced not only by his food but also ultimately lose herself in his hunger.

Consumed is a tale of delectable meals shared, exciting romance, and erotic play. Follow their passion through luxury feasts and the stimulating world of fine dining and wine.

Hunger never tasted this delectable.

Available on Amazon, Itunes, and Nook

THE GREATEST OF EASE

A dysfunctional girl leaves the easy life to join the circus as a trapeze artist. Learning the art of the Trapeze and what it takes to be one of the circus people, is not for the tame of heart. She must learn to live on the road and get the circus people to accept her, along with triple somersaults and living with tigers and elephants. The circus folk are dedicated athletes with a robust code of ethics that keeps all “Towners” like her out of the inner circle.

Purchase Here

SOUS VIDE

Two chefs meet in Paris and fall in love. He is Englishman working in Paris, and she is an American working in San Francisco. Their long-distance love affair spans continents and courses of fine dining. When they are suddenly estranged, each believes that they have been forsaken, but a dark force has kept them apart. When they reconnect and find they never wanted the separation, revenge and renewal are on the menu.

Nonfiction:

THE UNIVERSAL CONSPIRACY

This book is a recipe that I have carved out of living an enchanted (both fairy tale and horror film) life. I am in no way an expert on anything except my own well-lived life. This book is written in sections, so you can jump right to the part you want, or inhale the whole thing, or do like my wicked husband, who always reads the last chapter of a book first.

The first part of this book is about what I have done. I have lived a wild and varied life. I felt the need to share it before I give you advice. I believe in walking the walk, not just talking about it. I have always gotten everything I wanted. Sometimes, the things I wanted became ultimately harmful to me, but I still got them.

Children’s Books (Co-Authored with my Grands):

HOW DOES YOUR DADDY BLOW

A funny look at how different men sneeze.

NEVER ALPHABET BOOK

An illustrated silly animal book about what you should NEVER do to animals.

FUN WITH POTTY WORDS

A little girl travels to San Francisco and learns about funny potty words.

PEANUTS ADVENTURES

A stuffed Polar Bear goes on wild adventures, and his girl misses him.

This children’s book is paired with an adult book:

THAT FUCKING BEAR

A hilarious look into the most precious of toys, the stuffed animal, and how it keeps going missing. It shows the length the family will go to return the Bear.