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Anyone who will tell you that fasting is easy is a BIG FAT LIAR. I did good yesterday, going to Farmer’s Market and getting lots of organic veggies and fruit to juice. I drank detox tea all day laced with pure Echinacea. And buckets of water. But by evening, I got hungry, very hungry, and ready to eat the couch hungry. Then I went into my room to distract myself with a new TV show that I am growing fond of, Lie To Me, staring Tim Roth (who is one of my favorite movie stars, if you haven’t seen Four Rooms, it is the best movie).
The show is about a company of consultants that by observing facial expressions can tell what people are feeling and when they are lying. The superior show was distracting me from the rumbling in my tummy until the first commercial break, when a Taco Bell commercial came on. Like an addict, I couldn’t think of any thing else, chicken taco’s filled my brain and beef nacho’s danced around my chair. I got up, wrote a menu on a sticky note, got a twenty from my purse, and instructed my husband to fly. He saw the look in my eye and knew better than to talk me out of it.

I inhaled the late-night food debauchery and was immediately full, yet nauseas. My whole day of juicing and being healthy, thrown out the window by my weak will. I’m so ashamed. And sick.

Today we try it again. Damn you Taco Bell and your fourth meal promises!!

I had coffee with the Pie Maker today and we discussed our business, lives and just how far we should get involved when a friend is in trouble, but not wanting help. It is a precarious line, that when crossed could end a friendship.

It’s like when you are in love with a total dick (which I was once) and everyone hated him. Even my sweet dog, would shit in his shoes. My sisters, friends, co-workers, everyone HATED this guy and knew he would be a disaster for me, but no one could talk me out of it. Years after he was banished from my life, I saw that my heart had to do what it wanted. I thought this guy was what I wanted, and no one was going to talk me out of it, not even my own common sense. Like I tell my kids, be careful for what you ask for, because you will always get what you really want and it might not be what is good for you.

I tend to want to fix every problem, for everyone. My weakness is knowing when to let people find their own ways, learn from their own mistakes, and stay the hell out of the problem. Ask my son, he flourished when I got out of his way and let him stumble on his own. Now he is a RFS. I’m digging that.