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I’m many things but I am not a cap person. The minute I unfasten something with a lid, it goes missing. I mean —nano seconds after it breaths its first taste on plastic-free air, its gone. Like little gnomes follow me around stealing tops off stuff. Toothpaste, hair spray, water bottles, vitamin bottles, wine corks, and bread ties, all vanished. I wonder around with things open and spilling, leaking and leaving stains. I try, but they just bounce out of my hands and go the way of that sock in the dryer.

My husband is not this way. He has the cap on hairspray he bought 8 months ago. Water bottles that he refills with our filtered water, that go back on repeatedly. He is a Folder too. I can’t fold a towel to save my life. He folds fitted sheets. Perfectly, with no wrinkles.

I don’t know if this is a genetic trait, done with training or just fear from childhood. His mother was scary; in that kind of way that sends people to therapy for years. Mine was scary but in the way of jumping out from behind a door with ratted hair and screaming scary. She was fun, but unpredictable. I think his intimidating mom is where he learned his cap keeping, towel-folding skills.

With the remodel (yes, it is still going on) we are sharing a bathroom. His stuff is large in quantity, but very neat and has all the caps. My toothpaste oozes, my shampoo leaks and my deodorant is all over the place, caps are all gone. I used his hairspray today and tried to put the cap back on and it lept out of my hand. I wrangled it from behind the toilet and placed it back, only to have it jump suicidal into the toilet pool. I fished it out and washed it off.

I teased him about the cap thing. Then he saw the price tags on the bottom of my shampoo (I loose the caps, but cannot pry a price tag off to save my life) and he fainted. “$100.00 for shampoo? Who pays that for soap on hair? What is it laced with gold? ‘Splain lady”.

I have thick hair, like a horse’s tail hair. Its red, its curly and left to its on devices would resemble a dead possum on my head. It needs organic shampoo so it doesn’t strike up like a rats nest. It needs to be tamed. Daily. Or I look like I just crawled thru the jungle. This takes good hair products and good hair products cost BUNCHES of money. He wants me to look nice, right? I’m only doing it for him?

“For that price, you could at least keep the cap on it!” Thus, the genetics conversation began.